Cristian Decides It's Time To Become A Man

I asked once, to no one in particular, how I might respond the first time I discovered that one of my boys had gone and impregnated a girl...or worse: "Rain & Death In The Garbage Dump". The other week I surprised myself at the way I responded; though to be honest, there's only so much response one can give at a distance of 3000 miles.

Cristian has not impregnated anyone, at least not that I know of. He did though, at the mature and responsible age of 17 decide that it was time he took a wife. Last week one evening, while their respective families were in church, Cristian's girlfriend Lezmy, packed up her few meager belongings, leapt from her bedroom window (her aunt was in the other room) and trekked up the hill that separates her family's home from that of Cristian's. By Laureles custom the two are now married -- at least until one of the two decides that they aren't any longer -- but that's also a Laureles custom; there will probably be a child or two though before that happens. They call it "robbing your girlfriend" because presumably, the family of the girl, those people that have cared for her and raised her, are not privy to or in agreement with the idea of the young girl and boy suddenly moving in together and setting up a home. Nevertheless, this is par for the course in Los Laureles and the way that most young couples end up getting together. As an aside, I know of one young couple where the boy hid his girlfriend under his bed for a week until the father of the girl gave up hope and stopped looking for her; at which point she promptly reappeared in public and announced that she was pregnant. The thing of it is, it's not exactly something that's frowned upon because everyone does it and very often it's the mothers of the girls that are literally pushing their young daughters out the door and onto their boyfriends; it means one less mouth to feed.

I understand that youth grow up faster there and that the norms for what is and isn't acceptable, at least with regards to the age two people ought to marry, is certainly much different in Honduras, especially amongst the poor of Honduras. What I can't abide though is this notion, especially prevalent among the males, that manhood doesn't really arrive until you've moved into your own place and brought a girl there to live with you and take care of you. Until you "rob your girlfriend" and start your own family you're suspect and less than a man. Manuel, who lived with me for time, was always scolded by the older women who told him that he shouldn't be living with me, that he ought to steal a girl and go find his own place. He would chuckle and keep walking but I knew their words always stung him and that part of him really did want to do just that.

When I talked to Cristian about this the other night this is the sentiment that he essentially expressed. That he felt it was time that he become a man and that Lezmy would suit him just fine -- the unspoken subtext was "for now". I threw everything that I could think of at him and in the gentlest way possible. I asked him to think of both their futures, of what he was throwing away for both of them, the estrangement that it might cause with her family, and the fact that he had a job that couldn't even support himself let alone another person. Finally, I asked him to remember his committiment to Christ, one that he had made a year prior. I asked him if it was correct to "steal his girlfriend" as it were, or if instead the correct way to proceed would be to get married in the church. He answered no, that it wasn't correct and that they really ought to be properly married. Knowing which was the right path to take I told him that he really needed to return Lezmy to her family because no true minister would marry the two of them in their current state. To which he replied that he would not be doing that, he was content with Lezmy where she was, as was she.

I had nothing left to say, I fancy myself a fairly persuasive person and can usually get people to come around to my way of thinking -- nothing can persuade teenagers with hormones that are accustomed to doing whatever they please. I told him that I loved him, that his decision carried with it unforeseen consequences, but that I loved him regardless and that I always would. He giggled. I hung up.

 Cristian Josue Chirinos Alvarez, 12

February, 2008

At the beach one Sunday after church

Just 2 months after I'd first met him

A little bird alighted on my window sill the other day - he ran hither and thither on the roof in front of the window, allowed me to photograph him briefly and then fluttered off.

 

I spend a lot of time staring out my window, often wishing I were like that bird; able to flutter off on a whim, content to let the breeze blow me where'er it might.

 

It's a form of escapism I know; for some it's Middle Earth, others it's Gossip Girl, mine though is a combination of coffee, cloves and The Shins whilst staring out the window or in the warmer months, sitting out the window, and wishing I weren't here. 

 

It's not an entirely unproductive passtime to be sure. I strike deals with God, make life decisions and approach true inner-peace.

Escapism though is not a conduit for living in the present.

 

For much of this past year I feared moving beyond my window gazing into interaction with others. I feared being drawn into their lives and by degrees, coming to love them.

 

I was tired of loving people.

 

Loving people requires compassion and action and involvement - it requires actively living in the present.

 

I feared loving people here, the way we are called to love people, would require that I abandon those that I hold most dear but that are not with me physically.
 

More than that, I feared that being deeply involved in the lives of people here would either:

 

a.) cause me to love the people of Los Laureles less.

or

b.) cause yet more pain and emptiness when I one day move on from life here.

 

Or both.

 

I believe my personal vacation, as someone I know has termed it, this past January, as much as anything broke down that wall of fear that had hemmed me in for the previous 7 months.

 

Broke it down I say, not toppled it entirely.

I still hold onto the duality a bit.

 

Since returning though I have felt myself compelled to take a more active role in the lives of certain people here. To the love them as Jesus calls us to love them - for his sake.

 

For their sake.

 

For my sake.

 

Now that I know I won't be here forever I'm beginning to wish I had begun this process sooner; that I had heeded the nudge of the Spirit when I first felt it months ago.

 

I feel the clock ticking. There is much to do and not much time.

Certainly no time for window gazing...

 

For what it's worth, this is what was outside my window this afternoon:

Not exactly a "Springy" Spring.

How About That Duke!

I've always known Duke is an amazing fellow and I've said as much not a few times; namely here, here and here. He continues to amaze me though with the man he is turning into. He's no longer simply a kid that I love and am investing in but rather a trusted friend and partner in the ongoing work in Los Laureles.

It's no secret that I no longer live in Los Laureles...or Honduras for that matter. Life as a mission worker there has come to an end and so have the many projects that once both defined my work and were the structure and support for so many kids there. The largest and in many ways most important project we ran there was the high school scholarship fund - I've written aplenty about it and won't rehash the fundamentals of it here. While down in Honduras visiting this past Christmas though, I heard from not a few youth that they wanted to keep on studying and were wondering if I might help them. I have a hard time saying no. More importantly, I didn't feel like I could once again abandon these kids and dash any chance they might have of escaping their cyclical poverty. Especially when I most certainly had the resources to help them at my disposal. I told them I'd consider it but to not count on me as their only resource; some heeded that advice, most did not.

I talked it over with Duke one night while I was there and explained that I was concerned about the logistics. In years past it's been me or another worker that's gone to the schools to sign the students up, gone with them to market to buy uniforms and supplies, checked in on them periodically to make sure grades were on par and all was going well. This year though I wouldn't be there and there would be no one else to do all the leg work. Duke looked at me seriously and offered to do it himself. I smiled, looked at him and shook his hand.

In the next few weeks before school began, Duke compiled a list of 20 high school students, some veterans of the project and others just starting out from 6th Grade. He enrolled each one in their public high school of choice and started a file on each student. He went to market and brokered deals with the uniform vendors, the shoe salesmen and the school supply houses and came back to me with lists of needed items and their prices. He went to the Western Union once or twice a week to receieve the funds as I sent them down and then went back to market with each individual student to purchase their supplies. School began 2 weeks ago and he's now taken on the task of making sure our students are punctual, prepared and fulfilling their end of the deal; a month ago he sat them all down as a group and informed them that if they didn't try their hardest to get good grades that he would personally kick them out of the project and take back their school uniform. He called the other night asking that I make a warning call to one of the girls because he didn't like her lazy attitude.

I've felt for Duke this past month, I'm not sure if he realized just what he was getting himself into; what kind of gargantuan task he'd taken on. He's had mothers of children not in the project begging him to let their child in so that they too can study. He's had to herd 20 high schoolers through the process of enrollment and supply procurement with plenty of complaints along the way and he's had to be stingy with what little money we have. I've been impressed though, he's grown a lot in just the last month both as a person and in the eyes of the community. I'm excited for the what future holds for him.

Sergio Turns 18

Checho told me last night that he wants to kill himself.

I almost lost it.

It was his birthday yesterday and only his older sister and myself remembered to send him greetings. His mother, who lives across the country, and his father, who lives in the same community, both forgot about him.

He seems lost...more than ever.

Keiser's Fixin' To Be A Momma

Maureen sent this photo yesterday with word that our beloved companion may soon be a mother. Maureen, as is her wont and nature, has been meticulous though with approving just the right suitor. She's compiled a fairly extensive list of potential mates but for various reasons; including dislike of the owner, general demeanor of the animal and gut feeling, has done a fine job of crossing off nearly every eligible bachelor within a 20 mile radius. Keiser for her part, is none the wiser and as far as we can tell is just as content to chase rats and opossums around the yard as she is to engage her maternal instinct.

An interesting sidebar: I am in near daily contact with the people of Los Laureles; I try to stay engaged in the lives of a few of the boys, but a goodly number of the adults and other children usually call me throughout the week as well, to inquire on my state and status. Inevitably the question of Keiser and her whereabouts always comes up and I always reply that Keiser still resides in La Ceiba with Maureen. Furthermore, if they would like to visit her, they are more than welcome to schlep down to Barrio Alvarado and stand at Maureen's gate where they will be sure to see a black streak chasing small animals and any children that happen to be in the yard. There's almost always a brief pause and then the question:

"Is Keiser yet pregnant?"

"No, not yet...Maureen thinks it's not yet time." Is my typical response.

"We'll please tell her to give us a puppy when the time does come." They usually say.

"Oh most definitely." I return.

As it stands now Keiser is on the hook for about 40 offspring...she'd better get crackin'!

I'd Forgotten How Much I Love This Song

en medio de mi confusion se alzaba tu bandera...

Lauro pt. 2

I saw Lauro recently - I went visiting in the last week of December and into the first of January. I saw him the first night I arrived. He was loping down the dirt road that runs to my home there; a nonchalant gait, directionless and purposeless. He didn't know that I had arrived in the community, otherwise he wouldn't have been so conspicuous. I was huddled around an old rusting truck talking with Sergio and a few others and when I saw him coming, I hid. As he passed by I lept out at him, grabbed him and pulled him close. He smiled, twisted out of my arms and ran away. I let him go without protest. I knew he appreciated the gesture and loathed what he perceived to be the public embarrassment of it all. He stayed on our periphery the rest of the night though; making wide arcs around us and listening in on our conversation but not coming close enough to be engaged or worse yet, hugged.

I spent the night at Duke's house as it was too late to catch a taxi and the next morning, when I stepped out onto the front stoop, there was Lauro hanging on the front gate, staring at me. I sat down on my haunches in the dirt front yard and gestured with my hand that he should come in. Without hesitation he opened the gate and shuffled over to my side where he squatted and stared down at the ground. I didn't know what else to say to him so I said:

     "Lauro I've missed you. I love you too."

     He smiled. "What's up Gringo?" he asked.

     "Nada" I said "Just here, hanging out. What are we gonna do today?" I asked.

     He looked up at me. "I don't know, what do you think?"

     "Well for starters I need to run some errands, let's get cleaned up and head downtown."

He jumped up, ran off to his house and was back within 15 minutes, changed and ready to go.

I know I've remarked on Lauro's eccentricities before and after having known him for 4 years, really nothing ought to surprise me. Yet everytime Lauro behaves as Lauro does I am astounded by the depth of his raw emotion - how easily jilted and betrayed he can feel; also how affectionate and faithful he can be. He must have snubbed me and in turn begged me for attention at least 10 times while I was there visiting. It no longer phases me, I just know that with time and an apology (whether deserved or not) that he will always return to being one of my closest companions.

I do worry for him - he's since left Los Laureles; gone to the south of the country to find his mother whom he hasn't seen in nearly 7 years. He so desperately wants someone to love him and take care of him - needs it really, and sooner rather than later. He's growing up, he'll turn 16 in April, he's yet impressionable and not completely hardened. I don't know if it's good that he went looking for his mother or not, he may not like what he finds. I do know that he needs someone to fill that void that has been in his life since he was a young child. Pray that he finds them.